Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tiger Mom? Not Me.

I follow Joanne's blog and I really enjoyed her last post.
10minutes2breathe: Have You Heard of the Tiger Mom?: "They just don't seem to go together Recently A friend asked if I had heard about the ..."
  Her post touched a special place with me.
As of late, I am struggling with some parenting issues of my own.  How to handle a few things that Chloe is facing as a growing little girl.  She is so smart.  She is so caring and sensitive.  The sensitive part is the particular part that I worry so much about with her.  Her feelings are hurt so easily.  She forgives so easily too, which is a good thing, I know, but I worry that it will damage her self esteem in some way.  I foreshadow into the future.  It is so difficult to be a teenage girl.  It is difficult to learn who you are, who your friends are.  What a friend truly is.  I don't think I REALLY understood that concept fully, until I became a mother.  For example, my friendship with Molly has always been very strong, but when we became mothers, we really and truly understood what we had within each other all along since we met at age 13.  But it never really made sense then.
With Chloe, I feel like she is struggling to find a place where she fits in.  Like she feels like the lost little puzzle piece.  She talks about the groups of girls at school.  She talks about different things that take place each day.  Never speaking badly of other children, but always making me wonder why my child seems to be the one that is left out of the group.  She talks about play-circles and ride-shares and games at recess.  I try not to be the over protective Mommy, but I am at a point where it is literally breaking my heart, because I can see that my child is hurting.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  My thoughts are so scrambled.  On one hand I want her to just be innocent and love and forgive.  But on the other, I want to protect her and tell her the honest truth, sometimes in life, people (even children) can be hurtful, mean, selfish, not think of how their actions make someone else feel.  They can love you one minute, when it is beneficial for them, and ignore you the next minute as if you were a pebble on the ground, if someone more suited to their mood comes along.  They will kick you right out of the way.  Sad fact.  However, a sad fact that is VERY VERY TRUE.  There are lots of people in the world that carry out their lives just that way.  If you look around, bet you know a few.  I know as a mother, as a person, I am doing an excellent job of raising my daughters the right way in this very topic.  We talk about it a lot at our house.  When we do something, how do our actions, our words make those around us feel?  Does it make them feel happy?  Or sad?  We focus a lot on how we treat and respect other people.  Because it is so important.  So at what point do you, as a parent state the unsaid part of the lesson?  That's where I am struggling.  Sure, my parenting is FAR from perfect.  I do not claim to know it all.  I never will.  My kids are not perfect.  I don't wish to have perfect kids.  I know Chloe is too sensitive at times.  But where do you draw the line?  I really am emotionally distraught on this one, so if there are readers out there that can offer suggestions, I am all ears.


Eileen @ Ordained Praise said...

Read Sirach 6:5-17 on true friendship to Chloe.

Joanne said...

Oh I know exactly how you feel. My son is just about the most loving kid there is and he has a very hard time with kids excluding him and hurting his feelings. He is so trusting and they take advantage of that. As for your Daughter and my Son I think their sweet spirit is something that we can't explain only that it comes from God. I try to tell him the truth. that somekids just don't know God as well as he does. Because if they did they would understand and behave better. I try really hard to get him to have play dates with children like him. I have enrolled him in things that he is interested in and he has made friends through that. Church is also a good place to join diferent youth groups and he really enjoys that. As a Mom I know how your heart breaks for your kids. If it makes you feel any better I have bouts of those heartbreaking moments too. What helps me is praying for guidance and somehow an answer comes. I will keep you in my prayers. It'll be Ok with God's help. Blessings, Joanne