That is my question. Really. It's so simple. Why will they not sleep? I am so tired. I'm always tired.
We have entered into yet another new cycle of constant night waking.
Someone seems to always be up and out of bed in our house.
I'm hot. I'm cold. I need a drink. I need to go potty. I heard something. When is Daddy coming home? I don't want to go to sleep. She's looking at me. My blanket is too small. I need a kleenex. Something is scratching me. My bed is not comfortable. I wanna sleep on the floor.
I have heard everything.
They are so tired.
Evenings have become a struggle of sanity.
They refuse to take naps during the day. Which leads to three grumpy, exhausted four year olds by 4:00pm. Just in time for big sister to arrive home from school, also drained from the day. Also on a short fuse, especially where her sisters are concerned.
They are bickering and picking at each other constantly. Almost every second, at minimum, two of them are arguing. Usually all four. Don't touch that. Get out. That's mine. She hit me. She touched me. She won't let me. She copied me. She changed the channel. She took that from me. I had it first. She won't share.
I feel like I am struggling. I am losing the battle. I have a difficult time containing my frustration because there literally is no reprieve what-so-ever.
I cannot stand yelling. Getting upset. It makes me feel like a horrible mom. I know they feed off my frustration. But I am at a breaking point.
I try to take them places after school. After I have worked all day. When there are so many things I should be doing at home. Laundry, cleaning, blah blah blah. When we go...it's a toss. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's terrible. In the end, when we arrive back home...the nightmare of our bedtime routine is magnified by a million. Now they are even more tired. Over stimulated. Exhausted. I am left wondering if the outing was worth the added struggle at bedtime?
I repeat to myself over and over. It's normal. It's a phase. It's intensified because I have multiples. But I always stop and question myself. What am I doing wrong? What can I do differently? Better?
I am sitting here listening to them cry. Telling Chloe to go back to her room for the fifth time in ten minutes. Telling them to go back to their room. I lost count.
They are exhausted.